Animus: a #MonokuMonday (10/16/2017) water #haibun for #dversepoets #HaibunMonday and #withrealtoads (5/31/18)

 

Animus

water2-720x340

A six-person river raft bobbing up and down in the frigid Animus River. A paddle stretched out too far. One rapid, knocking me overboard.

beyond white foam so many spruces

Break the surface. Still holding the safety line circling the raft. My face, slapped by the river. Again. Again. Back under. Bubbles from my last breath. Jagged rocks scrape my back. One clear thought: I could die here.

river’s roar any moment the call to let go

Hands press my shoulders down. I ricochet above the rapids. Those same hands — my friend and raft partner — pull me aboard.

more paddling last rapids left behind

 

 

first published in Image Curve, April 16, 2015

Photograph by Andrew Spencer

 

 

Bjorn hosts Haibun Monday over at dVerse Poets Pub. He asks for a haibun featuring water.

 

UPDATED (5/31/18): Sanaa, over at Real Toads, imagines Water Under The Bridge ~

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32 responses to “Animus: a #MonokuMonday (10/16/2017) water #haibun for #dversepoets #HaibunMonday and #withrealtoads (5/31/18)”

  1. jillys2016 Avatar

    Gasping! You write for the 6th sense, the kinesthetic, with sublime perfection. The reader moves and breathes with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks, Jilly! Hope you’ve caught your breath by now! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. jillys2016 Avatar

        Wheeze! Mostly… Is that river somehow related to an angry stretch of the Black River? The photo gives that appearance.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

        The Animus river runs in Colorado, southwest to Durango. I honestly don’t know what river is I. The photo. 😆

        Liked by 1 person

      3. jillys2016 Avatar

        And I was thinking you had come up for air long enough to click the photo… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Charley Avatar

    I love the form. And, of course, the ride!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Frank Hubeny Avatar

    Good description of that experience. It reminds me why I won’t be doing any of that rafting. I like how you broke the haiku between three sets of texts as if you were trying to fight the rapids.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) Avatar

    I love how you bring the small one-line haiku as breaks in that action filled adventure… friends are great to have.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks! I chose that friend to be in my wedding party three years after the ride.

      Like

  5. kim881 Avatar

    I love the form of this breath-taking white water ride!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. whippetwisdom Avatar

    What an adventure and glad you are here to tell the tale! The one-line haiku are very effective here and flow with the prose ☺

    Like

  7. nosaintaugustine Avatar

    What a great feeling of immediacy and danger for the reader! I also like how you structured this, it worked well.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sabio Lantz Avatar

    love the picture of your spill on the trip — so many of us have had the same. I was waiting for the Haiku at the end — did it get swallowed by the rapids?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      😆 thanks, Sabio! All Haiku accounted for, if soaking wet. I used the one-line form called monoku throughout the haibun.

      Like

  9. purplepeninportland Avatar

    Excellent tale, Frank! I love the form you used to weave in and out of the action.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. kanzensakura Avatar

    Never heard of monoku before, in all my years of writing Japanese forms. It would have been nice if it had been complied into a haiku at the end of the most excellent prose.

    Like

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Jim Kacian coined the term for one-line haiku. I believe you can find his essay on it in the archives if the Haiku Foundation. If not, he originally published it in either Frogpond or Modern Haiku.

      Like

      1. kanzensakura Avatar

        Actually, to be honest, I don’t care for fauxku….Thanks though.

        Like

  11. sanaarizvi Avatar
    sanaarizvi

    My goodness this is absolutely breathtaking! 💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Sherry Blue Sky Avatar

    I felt that moment of “I might die here” as the water swept you under. So well written. Last weekend, a 52 year old woman died here surfing, just that quickly. She was here to attend her daughter’s wedding, and died saving her younger daughter – they didnt realize that the tide had made that spot deadly. So tragic. The water has such power.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks, Sherry. My heart goes out to the family of that unfortunate woman!

      Like

  13. oldegg Avatar

    Now that was scary imagining yourself in the same predicament and out of control. Excellent read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks! It was scary when it happened! 😉

      Like

  14. annell4 Avatar

    Yes, I remember, overboard, going down in green water, bubbles going up, I was pulled in to world that was new, cold and wet. Loved your write.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. MrsBednar Avatar
    MrsBednar

    I have yet to canoe gently over our little mountain creeks – I can’t imagine the fear you describe here… (makes for great photography though!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Indeed! Thanks for reading! 😀

      Like

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Frank J. Tassone-American Haijin by Frank J. Tassone is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0