Dear Dad,

How are you and Mom? In between quarrelling and trading abuses I mean. You really must take care of your health. Nasty thing, hypertension. A pal of mine tells me his father got paralysed after biffing his mother on the head with a bottle of Scotch. It broke, you know. The bottle, not the head. More’s the pity. Scotch does not come cheap.

As for your diabetes I would strongly suggest you lay off the mangoes you are so fond of. I understand it is quite difficult to walk around throwing your weight with both legs amputated. Fancy going around with crutches. Or worse, a wheelchair. Reminds me, I was reading a comic novel the other day about a guy’s wheelchair rolling off a cliff. Not very pleasant, I was given to understand. Christmas is around the corner so I decided to spread a little goodwill and cheer…