#Throwdown Thursday (3/22/18): A Shattering Truth

A Shattering Truth

 

You and Dad tried to conceive for twelve years before you decided to adopt. You told me that story often enough: how I grabbed your pinky when you visited candidate babies, and you knew I was the one. But what happened when Robert was born?

He came two-and-a-half years after me, the child you for whom you waited those twelve years. When he did, I become the sign, not only of how long you waited, but what you became: the birth mother of a handicapped child.

If that’s so for you, how much more so was that for Dad?

You both had buried that shame. But it sickened us all, as all secrets do. And this is the truth that we never told.

And never will.

empty rooms
how quickly you turn the page
of your photo album

 

photo by Denny Müller

 

first published on Image Curve, March 22, 2018

 

for dVerse Poets Open Link Night #216, Bjork pubtending

 

 

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23 responses to “#Throwdown Thursday (3/22/18): A Shattering Truth”

  1. whippetwisdom Avatar

    So much suffering here – it was difficult for many among that generation to open up about true feelings for fear of burdening others with their pain. The closing haiku is so moving xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks, Xenia. The expression of such vulnerability was so anathema to my parents generation in general.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Gay Reiser Cannon Avatar

    Family secrets and hidden feelings. Often too burdensome to put into words. Emotions with the weight of a lifetime. So well done here in this tight work of poetry.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks! The capacity of haibun to compact such stories is one of the reasons I love writing them!

      Like

  3. Jo Aylard Avatar

    This is wonderful – your ability to put so much emotional pain in so few lines is amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thank you, Jo! I appreciate that!

      Like

  4. Waltermarks Avatar

    How incredible, the elation at your adoption, the joy of birth and shame at your step brother’s death. The haiku only serves to deepen the mystery

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Interesting! Looking back, I can see why you interpreted the poem as you did. Just to clarify, I don’t have a step brother. My brother is developmentally disables—and still alive. My father could not accept his disability. Hence, burying his shame.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Waltermarks Avatar

        Ah so, my wife was developmentally disabled. Her father left them when she was a baby. She had lots of trouble with that for a while. Bless You!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Arcadia Maria Avatar

    As someone who has a sibling with developmental and physical disabilities I can understand the roller coaster of emotions. Well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thanks, Arcadia!

      Like

  6. divalounger Avatar
    divalounger

    This piece is just full of the pain in you and in your family–what a great write!

    Like

  7. Nan Mykel Avatar

    O. the unnecessary pain we bring on ourselves! Not sure about the step brother status, but my children had a handicapped sister and the attention left over for them was regrettably limited.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. sanaarizvi Avatar
    sanaarizvi

    This is so moving! Sometimes people have too many expectations when it comes to children… they forget that everyone comes with baggage and that all of us have weaknesses and flaws. I have a cousin who is mentally retarded and am aware of the difficulties that his family faces, so I can resonate (to some extent) I believe deep down we do care about our loved ones no matter what 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. rivrvlogr Avatar

    Wow. There’s a dull pain in this that will never go away.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Vivian Zems Avatar

    .. until now. Poignant. We all have secrets- some buried deeper than others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Indeed, Vivian. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. hypercryptical Avatar
    hypercryptical

    How obvious your pain Frank, and how the memories still hurt. From fine words you have written before, I get the impression your childhood was an emotional rollercoaster.
    I (think) I remember a previous post of yours, when you visited your brother at Christmas or maybe Thanksgiving, where you dealt with your emotions then, upon leaving him behind.
    From your words above, I wonder if your brother was abandoned, “buried” in a children’s home, became a terrible and haunting secret?
    You have not let go of the bond Frank and you should be proud of that.
    Much respect.
    Anna

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thank you! I appreciate your feedback. My brother was not abandoned. However, my father’s denial of my brother’s disability divided him and my mother. Their collective shame in this sense is what they buried.

      Like

  12. Frank Hubeny Avatar

    Nice description bringing out the painfulness of the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. ladynyo Avatar

    Frank, we adopted a 3 year old boy after 20 years of infertility. He had suffered abuse and neglect to the point he was only 24 lbs at 3 years. The DFACS woman said: “he will never be a rocket scientist, but he will be able to support himself.” He grew into a loving, devoted young man that filled our hearts with gratitude. Some in our family, my mother especially, just saw him as ‘adopted’, but he came from our heart. And filled it. I was told on Mother’s Day that “of course, I wasn’t a real mother” by my own mother who never was. Shame, grief, sadness follow us in life. But love will endure, regardless the target. the haiku is lovely at the end of the beautiful haibun.

    Liked by 1 person

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