Losing Snoodles: a #TankaProse

Ellie the Shepadoodle at 1 year old (German Shepherd / Standard Poodle mix breed dog)

11/16/19: loss and longing

She was the second dog in our house. The first, a beagle, had been a “dog-sitting” trial ownership. She, a shephadoodle, came to us under no such pretenses: Dad simply showed up with her.

I fed her dutifully, walked her consistently, played with her as only a devoted eight-year-old could. But that would not be enough.

Mom grew up with a wild phobia of any loose animal. While she ensured I did not develop such fear, she never overcame her own. When Snoodles had rightfully snapped at my brother, after he pulled her tail while she ate, Mom felt the first ping of terror.

I don’t remember Snoodle’s second strike. But I can’t forget the third.

Mom tried to explain what happened. When Mom had come home earlier that day, Snoodles had charged her. My dog had risen up on her hind legs, and had gum-bit Mom on her hand. Somehow, Mom had dragged Snoodles to the detached garage that bordered our backyard and locked her inside.

I cried, screamed, cried some more. It might have rained, even thundered. Mom cried on the phone to my father. I begged, pleaded. I swear to this day I could hear Snoodles whimper and bark.

None of it mattered. Mom could not live with my dog any longer. My father sadly made the arrangements. Soon, the apointed day and hour arrived.

rustled leaves

as the feral cats approach

Snoodles and I

my tears as I walk

my dog for the last time

#tanka #micropoetry #poetry

“rustled leaves…” first appeared in Tanka Poest on Site on May 10, 2019 for the prompt “Animal Friend”

for Real Toads’ Timetravel – Flashbacks with Bjรถrn (imagined by Bjรถrn)

UPDATE: for dVerse Poetics: Companions (Pubtended by Linda Lee Lyberg).

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22 responses to “Losing Snoodles: a #TankaProse”

  1. Bjรถrn Rudberg (brudberg) Avatar

    How sad… that tanka of walking the dog is devastating, but I can understand the fear (maybe also for you).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      I appreciate your understanding of the fear. Unfortunately, my mom mistook Snoodle’s playful nip for an attack. Still, she exposed me to a leashed dog when I was a baby (or toddler), so I wouldn’t grow up afraid.

      Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  2. Roxi St. Clair Avatar
    Roxi St. Clair

    Damn…. got me teary-eyed reading this. So difficult for an 8-year old boy to comprehend… as I’m sure it was for Snoodles as well. I’m sorry that happened to both of you. I’m a believer that we’ll see our old furry family members again in another time and space. That bond can never be broken even when the heart is.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Indeed. I still miss my dog.

      Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. whippetwisdom Avatar

    Truly heart-breaking Frank, even though your mum may have had the best of intentions. She would never have forgiven herself if Snoodles had hurt you ๐Ÿ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      The funny thing is that Snoodles never did, and likely never would have. Still, Mom never forgave herself for what sending Snoodles away did to me. We never got another dog, in part because she couldn’t bear what would happen if she had to seperate me from it yet again.

      Thanks, Xenia! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Helen L Dehner Avatar
    Helen L Dehner

    Oh No! This is a flashback there is no way you will forget. However, I do understand her fear. Way back in the 30s, my favorite Aunt was bitten badly on her face. My grandmother never got over it and forbade dogs as pets from that day on.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kanzensakura Avatar

    I wept when I read this. All I can say is, damn. I hope Snoodles wasn’t put down. I hate it when animals get blamed for humans’ fears.

    Like

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      No, Snoodles wasn’t put down. She found a new home, and I hope her new family and her found happiness together.

      Thanks Toni! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  6. revivedwriter Avatar

    I almost cried reading this.

    Like

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Me, too.

      Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  7. Glenn A. Buttkus Avatar
    Glenn A. Buttkus

    As an actor, I attended a party. The host had a beautiful Afghan male. One of us knelt down to pet the dog, and the dog bit his nose off, and spit it out on the carpet. So you never know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      True. Of course, anyone that pulls the tail of a feeding dog asks for a bite.

      Like

  8. Linda Lee Lyberg Avatar

    Made me cry Frank. So sad….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thank you, Linda. I teared up myself, writing it then, and reviewing it, now.

      Like

  9. Sherry Marr Avatar
    Sherry Marr

    Oh, I have the biggest, most painful lump in my throat. You made me cry, Frank. Poor boy, walking Snoodles for the last time. Devastating at eight years old. I was around that age when the dog I had grown up with got “disappeared” – euthanized. The loss was so great, I stuffed it down. It was too great to feel, so I went numb.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thank you. I still tear up thinking about Snoodles.

      I understand completely about your grief over your dog, Sherry. Sorry for your loss.

      Like

  10. rothpoetry Avatar

    How traumatic that must have been for you at that age! I see you seem to have survived, though the memories will always be there.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. msjadeli Avatar

    Frank, it had to be devastating to lose her, especially when you felt as a kid she hadn’t done anything wrong. That last walk…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Reena Saxena Avatar

    What a heart rending tale! I was compelled to send my kittens to a frend’s farmhouse, bcoz neighbours in the building were objecting to their gimmicks. Separations are traumatic.

    Like

  13. kim881 Avatar

    I sympathise, Frank. After 18 years and a number of fits, we had to have our dog put down. He was my dog to begin with, so I went for a walk with him beforehand and then went in with him while the vet prepared him and gave him the injection. I’ve never known so much pain. That was over twelve years ago
    and he is still irreplaceable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank J. Tassone Avatar

      Thank, Kim. I still get misty-eyed, thinking of snoodles. Interestingly, I’ve never owned a dog, since.

      Liked by 1 person

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